Why I Hate Predicting the Super Bowl

I hate predicting the winner of the Super Bowl. Not just this year, but every year.

With the #1 offense going against the #1 defense, both #1 seeds, and identical 15-3 records, predicting this year’s winner will be especially tough. But it’s not the difficulty of deciding the winner that makes me hate predicting. It’s the fact that I’m going to be wrong.

SB XLVIII Logo

Ever since the Colts beat the Bears in Super Bowl XLI, I have been wrong about the winner of the NFL championship every year since. And yes, I am a die-hard Colts fan, but I honestly thought the Bears’ defense would have stepped up way better during that fateful day in February 2007, where Peyton won his first and only NFL title in Indy.

The next year, I thought for sure the unstoppable 18-0 Patriots would beat the Giants, and I was considering giving up on the NFL if they won. Much to my surprise and delight, they couldn’t put many points on the New York defense, and left the door open for the Giants to have one of the biggest comebacks and upsets in the history of sports.

2009, Steelers vs Cardinals. I am not a big fan of the Steelers, and while the Cardinals didn’t have the greatest record coming into the post-season, they sure did dominate once they got there. I wanted Kurt Warner to get his second ring, and I admit I jumped on the Larry Fitzgerald bandwagon too. And if it wasn’t for both a spectacular winning drive by Roethlisberger and, even more important, James Harrison’s 100 yard interception return for a touchdown right before halftime, the Cardinals’ would have surely won.

The following year, when my Colts when against the Saints, I thought Peyton was a lock for winning his second ring. But it wasn’t just because of my personal fandom. No one thought the Colts could lose that year. While both teams were the respective #1 seeds of their conference, the unstoppable Colts offense had willingly given up on a perfect season to rest their players for the playoffs, which seemed to work out pretty well… except for a surprise onside kick by the Saints and a late pick-six thrown by Manning that led to New Orleans’s first and only title in history.

When the Packers played the Steelers the following year, I thought I had learned my lesson by picking against the Steelers before, and with Big Bend being a two-time champion already, I thought the experience would pay off in the end. Except this time I was finally wrong.

In 2012, the Patriots and Giants met once again. Even though the Giants’ offense was much improved from their last championship, I thought there was no way that the great and powerful Brady would lose to the same team in the same game AGAIN. But again, I was wrong.

And last year, I had never imagined that the Ravens would ever be able to win a title given the amount of great teams that made it into the playoffs. And honestly, the 49ers almost completed one of the greatest comebacks in Super Bowl history, but ran out of time on their final drive. To this day, I still believe that the Ravens winning a title when Ray Lewis was retiring was a media-staged fluke, given as a gift to him to cover up the negative opinions many have of him given that he GOT AWAY WITH MURDER. That way ESPN could avoid as much backlash when they hired him to give some of the most incredibly idiotic and irrelevant commentary in the history of football. “So what defensive scheme would you call on a 4th and 2 with the game on the line, Ray?” “YOU GOT TO BELIEVE IN YOUR TEAM! PLAY WITH THE HEART OF A LION! GOD MADE ME TO RULE THE EARTH!” “Go home Ray, you’re high on meth.”

So this year, with Peyton’s return to the Super Bowl, my heart badly wants him to win. But if I pick the Broncos, they are bound to lose. It makes no sense, but apparently I am cursed. No amount of conventional knowledge I have can alter the fact that my streak of incorrectness has only seemed to gain more momentum throughout the years. So to combat that, I have devised one of the most simple plans to reverse the curse: I will pick against the team I actually want to win. Hopefully, the NFL gods don’t see through my plan and ruin it.

With that, I reluctantly give you my prediction for this year’s Super Bowl winner:

Seahawks – 24, Broncos – 16.

I hope to God I’m wrong.

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